16 cats like Paula Poundstone
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Tweets From A Night’s Event...
I watched a few minutes of KCAL’s on-line coverage of downtown L.A. last night, and I began to Tweet, because it was more More »
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Occupied By Thoughts...
Lately now, I feel like Norma Rae, when she tells her husband, who complains about her busy schedule, that he can have sex More »
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3:26pm |
F-22 pilots have suffered dizziness and blackouts.I'm no doctor, but I think it's because they are going too fast and they're up too high. [#]
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1:08pm |
My teacher used to say, "Get your head out of the clouds. You'll never perform at the Osher/Marin JCC in SAn Raphael on 6/ 28". She'll see. [#]
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1:06pm |
As a kid, I used to dream of performing at the Osher/Marin JCC in San Raphael, CA, on June 28, 2012 http://t.co/fU1GzwMG [#]
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12:14pm |
On Sat. June 2, I'm putting ten gallons of ma' little jokes on there into ma' hat 'n' getting along to the Lakewood Theater in Dallas. [#]
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11:26am |
If anyone knows my 8th grade teacher, Mrs. Forbes, tell her I am reading A TALE OF TWO CITIES to my son. I'd like her to check my name off. [#]
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11:23am |
The sandwich is 250 years old and we're still eating it, which is a testament to the Zip-lock bag. [#]
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| May 14th | ||
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9:47pm |
10/19 New Brunswick, NJ State Theatre http://t.co/EJNxYerE [#]
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11:36am |
Sometimes even I am amazed at where I'm gonna be http://t.co/OAOhYL0q [#]
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11:26am |
I'm planning on telling my best jokes at Jonathan's in Ogunquit, ME on July 13 and 14, if I'm not out of my head from the blueberry dessert. [#]
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11:24am |
On July 13 + 14, I'll be at Jonathan's in Ogunquit, Maine. The audiences there are great, but also he serves this blueberry dessert thing. [#]
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11:14am |
After Yahoo CEO took a rasher for making up a degree for his resume, I changed "9 months waitressing at IHOP" to 8 months, on mine [#]
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10:59am |
J.P. Morgan investment chief got fired after losing only 2 billion dollars. Boy, I know a bank that woke up on the wrong side of the bed. [#]
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| May 13th | ||
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5:29pm |
We celebrated Mother's Minute.. My kids can't treat me nicely for a whole day. It was great, but it went by so fast. [#]
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| May 11th | ||
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10:20pm |
I'll bet George Clooney's guest bathroom has some terrific little soaps. [#]
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10:18pm | |
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10:07pm |
George Clooney hosted a $40,000 a head fundraising dinner for
Obama. Guests who showed up with additional body parts were charged more. [#]
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5:15pm |
On June 2, I'll be at the Lakewood Theater in Dallas. If you're not there, we'll probably talk about you. [#]
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12:53pm |
My dog is scared of something and she's trying to climb into my lap, which would be adorable if she wasn't a German Shepherd. [#]
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11:52am |
U.S. banking analyst Mike Mayo tell BBC J.P. Morgan 2 billion dollar loss was not life threatening. Gee, it would kill me. [#]
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| May 9th | ||
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12:18am |
California to consider going further on anti-gay movement by adopting North Carolina anti-nose gay language. [#]
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6:36pm |
If the anti-gay bigots realized that the phrase "the sanctity of marriage" contained the homonym for titty, they'd stop throwing it around [#]
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2:14pm |
One of my videos @paulapoundstone.com went virulent. [#]
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11:56am |
I wish I was gonna be alive to speak at my funeral. I'm the only one who really understands how much I've meant to everyone. [#]
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11:52am |
On Saturday June 9th at Anthology in San Diego you'll be William Powell and I'll be Myrna Loy, or the other way around. Lets not quibble. [#]
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11:20am |
I wear a thick, high-waisted, cottony brief. I might be recruited. [#]
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| May 8th | ||
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11:12pm |
If God doesn't want gays to marry,what do you say we let them marry, and he'll punish them. Boy, that'll show somebody something. [#]
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11:08pm |
I know some really wonderful North Carolinians. [#]
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10:37am |
If yesterday was any example of what's in store this week, I'm stapling my daily planner shut. [#]
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10:34am |
The wild rumpus has come to an end. [#]
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| May 7th | ||
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11:31am |
Twitter is going to overload if people don't stop tweeting to ask when I'm gonna be at Anthology in San Diego, so I'll tell you: Sat. 6/9 [#]
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11:25am |
I could spend the whole day talking about how busy I am, if I didn't monitor myself really carefully. [#]
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11:22am |
It has been said many times that pettiness is a waste of time and spirit, but I said it first. [#]
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| May 6th | ||
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3:16am |
I don't think Steve Martin cottons to me at all, but he sure puts together a fine night of entertainment. [#]
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3:14am |
I think I insulted Ed Helms when I said I thought we were close in age. What he doesn't know is that I thought I was younger than I am. [#]
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3:09am |
Steve Martin and Ed Helms bluegrass bands at The Tree People were great tonight. [#]
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8:41pm |
Making any effort at all requires a lot of effort for me. [#]
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9:54am |
My son got $100 for his birthday yesterday. He said he's saving it, and he asked me to take him shopping today. He saved for a day. [#]
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| May 3rd | ||
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6:54pm |
On Saturday June 2, I'm 'o' be tellin' ma darlin' little jokes at The Lakewood Theater in Dallas. Come by. [#]
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6:49pm |
Pepsi is on Twitter? What could it possibly post? "I'm in a can." "Now I'm in a bottle." "Who spilled me?" [#]
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6:46pm |
BBC says "Bin Laden papers show 'frustration'." Apparently he was on hold with Verizon a lot, and voice prompts really frosted him. [#]
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6:40pm |
I need a botany tutor. Every year I water mystery plants that turn out to be weeds. The harvest is often disappointing. [#]
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| May 2nd | ||
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1:30pm |
I'm no doctor, but I've played OPERATION, and I think my headache is caused by a colon problem, maybe not even mine. [#]
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| April 30th | ||
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12:34am |
My daughter has a Physics field trip to Six Flags. It's better than last year's Health class field trip to Chippendales. [#]
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12:14pm |
Student thrown out of "Honors" English class for copying essay. Father sued school. Perhaps he used the "Cared enough to cheat" argument. [#]
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| April 28th | ||
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4:25am |
"Pop-Tarts," I answered. [#]
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4:24am |
I carry plastic Pop-Tart containers, shaped like Pop-Tarts, with fake frosting and plastic sugar on top.The TSA asked what was in them. [#]
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4:19am |
Sellersville, PA was fun. I miss the I.R.S. trainer, the historian, and the disfunctional family already. [#]
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4:16am |
I'm at the airport in Allentown, Pennsylvania. It's not as big as you might think. [#]
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5:00pm |
A chair in my dressing room in Sellersville, Pennsylvania. http://t.co/hpKEMCFO [#]
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11:39am |
There are some rumors that Romney's team is secretly vetting Charro for the V.P. spot. [#]
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