I am not a computer person, but honestly, it's just one more thing we don't have in common. I have three kids, ten cats, a big stupid dog, a bearded dragon lizard and a bunny. I'll bet none of you are that stupid. The truth is I wouldn't trade a minute of even our worst of times, I just wish I were better at it all. I had a trainer for the dog once. She came into my backyard and asked me to show her how I handled the dog. I said "Cal, sit." He stood. I said "sit." He stood. I said "sit," and I think coincidentally his legs got tired about then so he sat. She said, "o.k. right off, you don't want to tell him stuff more than one because you're teaching him not to listen." I said "wait till you meet the kids."

My kids are thirteen, ten and six. I guess I taught them not to listen, but I thought they came that way. I have long ago reduced the age old, "nature or nurture?" question to, "who really cares where this comes from, wouldn't it just be nice if it stopped?" We went to Disneyland yesterday. The captain of the "Mark Twain," the riverboat in Frontierland, invited my kids up to his private control room at the top of the boat. My six year old son got his head caught in the helm while fighting over who got to steer the boat in "the happiest place on earth." The captain told me he had never seen that happen before. Blow me away. I don't imagine it has ever happened on the Mississippi. I don't say this as a criticism of anyone but myself, but he is out of control that boy. He tried to bid on a wench in the Pirates of the Caribbean and there was definite glint in his eye as he marveled at the engineering of the barrel dunking apparatus the pirates were using while marauding. I have to stop here to go pick my boy up at school, partly because I love him and would do anything in the world for him and partly as an act of mercy toward the kindergarten teacher.