Brain Sediment
If we all take a drink everytime Trump bilks the American people for money as we go forward, we'll all be elegible to run the Department of Defense within weeks.
This is a fabulously crafted, on point, snarky comment about our current situation. I think you won the internet today. Bravo!๐๐๐
And we will be hammered for the next 4 years.๐ฅด
But he said he wouldn’t drink if he got the job๐๐
I'm just going to start now, and then have the delivery truck stop tomorrow so I can stock up.
5 days, tops. And we won't remember 2 of them.
A millionaire who becomes a politician or a politician who becomes a millionaire.... TDS
This is the best thing I’ve seen in forever. Thank you PAULA POUNDSTONE for making me laugh on a day that makes me want to cry!!
Too drunk to notice
And very hung over. : /
Certain my handyman, bank tellar, walmart customer service rep are more qualified than the vast majority of dts nominations
Says the Trust fund baby
Love you, Paula!
Sad, but true.
But I don’t WANNA run the department of defense ๐ญ
Thanks for the laugh. Can I repeat that joke?
Great shot, Paula. ๐
๐๐ฝ
Or dead from alcohol poisoning - whichever comes first!
How about if we take a drink every time he violates the Constitution and his oath? Starting tomorrow we'll be drunk for the next 4 years.๐ฌ
Actually we could all fill up EDs with the alcohol poisoning and the lu ky ones don't survive.
BAY CITY, MI! Get your tickets at paulapoundstone.com
Comedian Paula Poundstone headlining fundraiser for Mid-Michigan homeless shelters
www.abc12.com
The show is Saturday, Jan. 18 at 6:30 p.m. at the Bay City State Theatre.OK, you are going to Florida, but NO Alabama? Huntsville is your birthplace. Come on, try to visit here!
she is not only the funniest person in the world but also the kindest
If you see the Bay City rollers please give them my love! ๏ฟผ S A T U R D A Y NIGHT! ๐๐
Join Paulaโs manager, Bonnie Burns aka Captain Crinkle, Paula Poundstone, Adam Felber, and former pod producer Toni Anita Hull for Captain Crinkleโs sage advice. This weekโs problems: A husband who wonโt stop staring, and a Pathologist who canโt make up her mind. Plus, updates! And a Tom Waits theme song! Listen wherever you get your pods!
Become part of the show. Email your questions to dearcrinkle@gmail.com.
Bonnie’s brother’s advice for the win! Loving this advice series!
wish I knew what a POD was. I listen to NPR on plain old radio
BAY CITY, MICHIGAN,
Join me for a night of laughs at State Theatre of Bay City THIS Sat., Jan 18โฆ I'm wearing half mittens right now. No disrespect.
bayeventcenter.ticketspice.com
Get Tickets for Paula Poundstone. Ticket sales close January 19th 2025.Well, obviously we werenโt going to talk to โAlligator Robbโ about lemurs! Weโre talking gators and crocs. And then weโre talking about a giant crock ofโฆ dumb stuff we did as kids - itโs โPaula Poundstoneโs Teen Turmoil!โ Listen wherever you get your pods!
Thank you for having me on!!
Can’t wait to hear it! I still don’t see it on my Apple podcast app. Of course, that could be my fault.
Loved the interview!
Thanks for clarifying Skagit County Bonnie Burns !
Should I listen later? Or in a while?
But our periods are all in synch.
okay ladies - standup comics, you're on bus 1, sitcom actresses, you're on bus 2, game show panelists, you ladies are on bus 3, podcasters, you're on bus 4 - and remember, don't steal each other's material!
Another good reason to seek sanctuary in Canada.
How many cats does Elayne Boosler have?
Yeah, don't want to run out of TP all at once!
Paula: When you DOWNLOAD your "Personality" ( and you will ) . I SOO want a copy !!! I actually had my own Version, ( eerily simuar ) In a State, . Far, FAr, FAR, AWay !! It was a Time in my Prime - I was Young and DUMB ( the latter can't be overstated ) ! I made the BIGEST Mistake in my Life. OH! How I remember it well - She had me Pined to the Floor, Yelling " Listen you Worm, When are you going to MARRY ME"?!?! I left, ( Remember. I was Dumb ) choosing a Career over Love. A Decision that I've regretted EVERY DAY of my life! Waiting for 'Time Travel' is to iffy - Chance to find another, but Think God marked 'Your Model' "STORE MODEL ONLY"! Just Liking a Woman, would only last 50% of a lifetime. True Love is like waking up to a New Day, Every Day and enjoy taking out the Garbage !!!
I’ve learned so much more than I expected from this post…
Stay safe. ๐ฅฐ
I thought Elayne Boosler was living in Italy.๐ค๐คทโ๏ธ
I mean you can't. FEMA has ordered that female comedians evacuate in a phased and orderly manner. You don't make the rules.
๐
Interesting reference point.
Moe and I found these pokey tree balls evacuating.
Be safe
I have them across the street from my house. I really don't like them
We had those for years until we removed the tree. I do not miss them!
Gum ball tree - as a kid our little terrier would come in the house covered from the chest down in these things … what a nightmare to remove them!
I have one of those trees and the pokey tree balls get stuck in my dog's fur. I hate those things!
We call them dingleberries. They are seed pods for liquid amber trees. Beautiful foliage, green to orange for most of the year. Spring pollen and winter pods are a worthwhile nuisance.
As others have said, Sweetgum tree...Liquidambar styraciflua. The sap (sweet gum) was an important component in most perfumes, in ye olden dayes. Crush a leaf and you'll smell the spicy scent.
We have tons of them on one side of the yard, and acorns on the other side. No barefooting for us!
I think we called them chestnuts when I was a kid. Am I correct?
Sweetgum, Liquidambar styraciflua. Not native to California, but it’s been widely planted outside its native range of the American southeast, and parts of Mexico and Central America.
Liquidambar - Sweet Gum Tree. A barefoot child’s worst nightmare! But this tree, in the fall, is just magnificent! See you here in Fresno, March 1st!
Watch your pawsโฃ๏ธ
reminds me of the "Troubles with Tribbles" episode on Star Trek
In Queens, we called them “itchy balls” that fell from the “itchy ball tree”. A fun game was jamming them down each others’ shirts. ๐I can’t even tell you how many years went by before I actually knew the correct term was sweet gum.
LOVE these trees in the fall, all the colors on one tree. The spiky ankle breakers, well, sweep aside and smoke on!
Super sticky balls
I laughed at this, but also, hugs to you all.
Ouchie Balls. Keep yourself and Mo safe and away from them.
I have always called them witch burrs, but I like pokey tree balls better.
We have sweet gum balls all over our neighborhood in SC. They are such a nuisance!
Y’know who REALLY hates pokey tree balls?! My bicycle tires.
Spiky tree balls provide great traction at icy intersections.
Never heard of a pokey tree๐
Street Tribbles
Sweetgum. We call them monkey balls.
Due to the wildfires in Los Angeles, Paula is unable to travel to Florida this weekend. Clearwater is moving to FEB 14, Ft. Lauderdale moves to MAY 8, and Key West to MAY 9. Thank you for understanding!
Right now, everybody in LA belongs with their pets and loved ones, taking care of each other. Of course we understand.
My heart goes out to everyone in the Los Angeles area affected by the terrible fires! Of course I understand the rescheduling. I was supposed to fly to Fort Lauderdale for the show there on my birthday, but I’ve been able to cancel. Unfortunately I can’t make it down there on May 8th, but I’ll keep an eye out for future shows in my area, Charlotte, NC. Stay safe, PAULA!!
Totally understandable... shows can wait. These fires are just terrible. Hoping everyone stays safe
Stay safe. ๐ป
Been praying for you, and newly 16 pound Larry, and the rest of your furries. Heart is breaking for what is happening. Sending love.
Please be safe! ๐ฉท
Hope everyone is safe
Stay safe!
Stay safe.
Stay safe!
Be safe Paulaโค๏ธ๐ซ
Join Paulaโs manager, Bonnie Burns aka Captain Crinkle, Paula Poundstone, Adam Felber, and former pod producer Toni Anita Hull for Captain Crinkleโs sage advice. This weekโs problems: Who the hell are they? and My head is going to explode. Listen wherever you get your pods!
Become part of the show. Email your questions, useful information blah blah blah, you get the idea, to Dear Crinkle@gmail.com. We love to give advice and improve your life.
paulapoundstone.com
So you’re saying that the Blah Blah Blah /isn’t/ where PAULA is appearing next? ๐ค I’m confused. I think I listened to that last oral report too many times.
May we show kindness, compassion, courage and strength. The fires and winds may blow us down, but not out. Check on your neighbors SO. CAL.
I hope you and the cats and dogs are safe.
You're the first person I thought of when I heard it was near Santa Monica. Hope you and your pets are all safe!
My sympathy to all who have lost their homes
Hope you and yours are safe and as okay as possible. Keeping the region in my thoughts while I watch for updates from friends and from you all. ๐
I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this situation with the fires. I’m hoping you and your furbabies can stay safe! Unfortunately I won’t be able to see you in Fort Lauderdale on Jan. 10th (my birthday) after all since that show has been rescheduled, but in light of the big wintry mix storm coming to my area (NC) tomorrow AND the horrible fires in L.A., I understand. I’ll catch you again in the future, stay safe!!
Take care, Paula! Hope you & yours are weathering this somewhere safe!!
Please stay safe and keep us updated Paula!
Stay safe. And the kitties too.
Well said Paula. Well said. I'm so sorry for anybody going through this.
Hope you and your fur buddies are staying safe ๐
Stay safe, Paula. Let us know how we can help.
Stay safe, Paula. โค๏ธ
Please add yay safe! Sending prayers for all of you in the LA area. ๐
I hope you and the kids cats survive this
Hope you, your kids and your family of cats and dogs are safe.
PAULA, I have been so worried about you all so it was great to get messages from you, Bonnie, Vic, and Julie. Thank you all and please stay safe. I love you.
How scary. Stay safe Paula.
Can't imagine what everyone there is going through.
Stay safe and cool! The place where I grew up is starting to flicker!
My cousin and his wife in Laurel Canyon had to evacuate tonight. I'm so worried about them. Stay safe Paula!!
I can't even imagine.... Please be safe everyone
Stay safe. We need you!
Oh gosh, Paula and crew. I am thinking of you.
Please stay safe, Paula!
Please stay safe going to miss you tonight in Key West
Would Paula make it doing research 20,000 leagues under the sea? Actual Aquanaut Ellen Prager joins us for Career Corner. And then we get a look at the home of Gladiator combat - itโs Bonnie and Toniโs Oral Report: The Colosseum! Listen wherever you get your pods!
paulapoundstone.com
Are you all OK in the midst of the fires? Sounds hellish.
I will be eager to hear which colosseum
Iโm not much of a cook, but the vegan butternut squash recipe I used tonight called for beef. That didnโt seem right.
So now you're in a beef with a recipe?!
I just remembered I was going to have butternut squash soup for dinner. Instead, I made chocolate chip cookies.
If you squint it probably says beet
Mine uses chicken broth. So what’s the problem?
You may have printed out the Wiccan butternut squash recipe.
I was making some delicious borscht for dinner, but discovered I had no cabbage. So in a pinch, I shredded up some kimchi from the fridge. What a great solution! Gave it some peppery zing, a little pleasant acidity, and supplied cabbage to boot! Highly recommended. Will do again!!
So the cats hacked your recipe files?
Maybe it's just a garnish so it doesn't REALLY count. Beef is the parsley of the Vegan world.
I personally have no beef with any kind of squash!
If only u had used FB AI for non-beef recipes.
could you be funnier. I don't think so ๐
The cow was vegan
I once ordered a veggie wrap with ham!
Are you using one-a-them parallel universe cookbooks?
I don’t know what recipe you have there but from the sounds of it you got the Second Hand Vegan Butternut Squash recipe. That’s the one where all the ingredients are vegetables or eat vegetables.
Are you sure it wasn't a typo for beer? ๐
I always say beef is vegetarian because cows eat grass. ๐
Luckily, you had a beef with someone, so you could use that.
Cows are vegan, aren't they? ๐
At the time the records were sealed, the prosecutors dropped three counts of lewd acts upon a child. In exchange, Ms. Poundstone pleaded no contest to a misdemeanor charge of inflicting injury upon a child. Ms. Satriano said last week that the charge involved ''inappropriate touching'' of one of Ms. Poundstone's children, a 12-year-old girl. Ms. Satriano said the details of the case were sealed to protect the child.
LOL
Typo for beer?
Dear BAKERSFIELD, CA,
I'm coming to tell my little jokes at The Nile Theater on Fri., Feb. 28. Get your tickets. Get your laughs.
Paula Poundstone tickets by The Nile Theater
www.tixr.com
Get your Paula Poundstone Tickets at The Nile Theater - Reserved in Bakersfield by The Nile Theater from Tixr.At the time the records were sealed, the prosecutors dropped three counts of lewd acts upon a child. In exchange, Ms. Poundstone pleaded no contest to a misdemeanor charge of inflicting injury upon a child. Ms. Satriano said last week that the charge involved ''inappropriate touching'' of one of Ms. Poundstone's children, a 12-year-old girl. Ms. Satriano said the details of the case were sealed to protect the child. This person asked me to take this down. I don’t know how to. However, she is trying to sell tickets in a horribly hurricane ravaged area. And what I stated are just facts. Sorry. I’d delete. But don’t know how. Nothing personal. She’ll sell tickets.
Dear GLENDALE, CALIFORNIA,
We're gonna laugh so hard at The Alex Theatre on Sat., Feb. 8 La Can~ada Flintridge will call the cops on us for noise. Anybody know how to get the wiggly line over the 'n'? Link for tickets in the comments below, see you there!
Keep your finger on the n
We have our tickets, can't wait
Hold down the N key and select the one you want when the accent bar pops up! Works for é as wฤll
Long-press on the n as you type it and it gives you several options. Slide your finger to the one you want. Release your finger. (Actually sounds harder than it is. ๐)
At the time the records were sealed, the prosecutors dropped three counts of lewd acts upon a child. In exchange, Ms. Poundstone pleaded no contest to a misdemeanor charge of inflicting injury upon a child. Ms. Satriano said last week that the charge involved ''inappropriate touching'' of one of Ms. Poundstone's children, a 12-year-old girl. Ms. Satriano said the details of the case were sealed to protect the child.
La Cañada
At the time the records were sealed, the prosecutors dropped three counts of lewd acts upon a child. In exchange, Ms. Poundstone pleaded no contest to a misdemeanor charge of inflicting injury upon a child. Ms. Satriano said last week that the charge involved ''inappropriate touching'' of one of Ms. Poundstone's children, a 12-year-old girl. Ms. Satriano said the details of the case were sealed to protect the child.
Los Angeles! See you this Sunday in Pasadena at @gofactyourpod โฆ Get your tickets at: laist.com/gofactyourself
yes Palm springs please
Paula please come to the Desert. โค๏ธโค๏ธโค๏ธ
Dear news,
No need to guess. Just tell what is confirmed. We'll wait for the rest.
I found myself yelling this so often I just turned it off. Something snapped in me this past year. No more. No pundits. No spokespeople. No ‘commentary’. No opinion panels. No 24 hours news channels. I’ll read about it if necessary.
When “breaking news” is on for hours on end, especially with endless speculation and blather, “breaking news” loses its meaning.
I miss Walter Cronkite! ๐ซ
Remember before Reagan eliminated the Fairness Doctrine and newscasters had to have three sources before reporting? Before news became entertainment. Cronkite. Jennings. Brinkley…..
I taught college students about journalism and mass media for almost 40 years. Yesterday I posted a rant about exactly this topic. What is more disturbing is that much of this consonant coverage is motivated by the desire to hook you in and have you keep watching their advertisers and clicking on them to add to their coffers. It isn't about delivering the best information product at all.
My Dad was a news writer who retired in the 80’s. Even back then, he said “if it bleeds, it leads.” It’s not something that he admired. ๏ฟผ ๏ฟผ
Speculation rather than information or facts
This is why I don’t watch TV “news” shows. I sometimes catch them when the TV is on at other people’s houses. CNN drives me nuts; they’ll have four talking heads lined up, pontificating and editorializing on a topic. PBS is more likely to have straightforward news without sensationalizing.
I just gave up my times subscription and deleted the app. I'm tired of speculation and telling me what my oppinion should be. I'd like just an old fashioned briefing and some actual background.
I'm done with American news media, at least on the television. Still read some, but American TV news is smarmy.
Yes . . . media speculation makes me nauseous. Just the facts, sir/ma'am.
I want to hear fewer predictions and more analysis
This is a result of having 24 hour news channels. ๐ They have to fill that time with something, so now it is nothing.
Yah, the words “could,” “may,” or “might” are circuit breakers. On to the next story.
Try BBC America. Or CBC Canada. We tend to be more nuanced. ๐๐ผ๐ Love you PAULA. Happy belated birthday to a fellow : Born in The Year That Changed Everything” ๐
Be nice if politicos also followed that rule
If only news folks would quit demanding details and interpretations before it is time to know or share them. That might alleviate the need to change direction or focus. Argh!
I only listen to NPR for my news. They never rush the story.
Which is why I read the AP each morning on their website. Just the facts!
I reduced my cable to just local channels. None of that wall to wall coverage for me!
AMEN!
Right?
As a CNA, I can only chart facts, not speculation. Journalists need to be held to that standard again...
I love that they mentioned you as the female comedian Paula Poundstone in The Preacher series!!
Amen
One of the worldโs most recognized and authentic comedians, Poundstone, returns to Key West Theater on Jan. 9. Hailed for her quick-witted improv and for โnever doing the same act twice,โ Poundstone has blazed a path in her industry for over four decades. Her career has included an acclaimed HBO series, standup shows, acting, news commentary and podcasts.
COMEDIAN PAULA POUNDSTONE'S QUICK WIT RETURNS TO KEY WEST THEATER ON JAN. 9
keysweekly.com
The nonconforming, but enduring legacy of comedian Paula Poundstone returns to Key West on Jan 9. One of the worldโs most recognized and authentic comedians, Poundstone, returns to Key West Theater ...See you Feb 1st in Louisville from the front row
At the time the records were sealed, the prosecutors dropped three counts of lewd acts upon a child. In exchange, Ms. Poundstone pleaded no contest to a misdemeanor charge of inflicting injury upon a child. Ms. Satriano said last week that the charge involved ''inappropriate touching'' of one of Ms. Poundstone's children, a 12-year-old girl. Ms. Satriano said the details of the case were sealed to protect the child.
I walked to the venue in Chicago tonight, wearing my half mittens, in case I have to work in a counting house. Itโs not quite freezing, but itโs cold.
So funny, when you referred to working in a counting house I reminisced about nights in a cold trailer (“the counting house”) at Fermilab, monitoring a physics experiment (particle beams colliding on a target in front of my detector) on the night shift, and going to see you live in a recording of Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me in Chicago with some of my husband’s relatives. Lots of memories flashed through my mind all at once. Thanks for the laughs, always. ๐
You and Bob Cratchit.
I also wore half mittens when I recently visited Chicago - but they turned into full mittens on demand. I recommend them!
Welcome to Chicago!! This is downright balmy for Chicago (said scrooge in the counting house). Happy New year!
PAULA POUNDSTONE, you’re our North Star. Take good care of yourself! We love and appreciate you โค๏ธ
Mine are on my hands until July. Always freaking freezing. ๐ฅถ
Wish I was there! ๐งก
Always be prepared. Happy New Year Paula!
I love your half mittens!
I should have come to see you, it’s been awhile!
“Please sir, may I have some more”
My guess is you are about to receive a whole bunch of new ones ....
How many mittens will you have if you lose one?
Happy New Year, Paula!
I hope you had a lovely birthday on the 29th... from one Paula to another! ๐
Used to wear those to Friday night football games when I was a prep sportswriter. Can't keep stats and notes wearing full gloves.
I will make send you mittens if you want.
Stay warm Paulie!!! ๐
Wanna meet for coffee or chai tomorrow, my treat?
It’s Chicago in January!
"This is my island in the sun".
So you’re saying I should put on some long pants when I head outside shortly to watch the lights over Milwaukee? I’ll take it under advisement.
Girl if you were here you would want the whole mittens. Just got home and it was 8 outside.
Happy New Year, PAULA!
Welcome to Chicago!!
Iโm about to tell โem in Chicago!
What is it with Paula and the chairs?
Happy new year! Have a great show!
I saw you NYE once in St Louis around 1991. You were amazing and I recently saw you again in Honolulu a couple of years ago! Keep it up!
Looks like a practical "let's get down to business" chair. Happy New Year! ๐๐๐๐๐
Tell them twice before 2025
Knock ‘em dead Paula! Demand pop tarts.
Happy New Year!!!
I would, except there's something underlying here that speaks to..."spare me, please?"
Happy New Year Paula P!
Hardboiled chair.
I’m all for it
Yes; passes muster.
Happy New Year ๐
Chicago ๐ you WWDTM
Happy New year! Nice chair!
Happy New Year!
Have fun!
Happy New Year!
Happy New Year! Henry Fletcher
Tell'em..not bad! You would also like a birthday cake!
YOU TELL ‘EM PAULA!
Twice!
CHICAGO, SPEND NEW YEAR'S EVE LAUGHING:
I'll be telling 'em in CHICAGO TONIGHT, New Year's Eve, at City Winery Chicago. Go to paulapoundstone.com for tickets.
